Feelings are a natural part of life. Everyone has them. They are neither right or wrong, good nor bad — they are what they are! Feelings act as indicators as to how we are at a specific time by warning or assuring us. Our bodies are message machines that can physically or verbally express feelings stored on the inside. We cannot prevent a feeling from existing, but we can control how we express that feeling.

In Growing Through support groups, young people learn to identify feelings under the headings of “happy, sad, angry and afraid.” The comprehension of these feelings for a child is expressed in different ways according to their ages:

Little children are unable to verbally process their feelings as they don’t have the vocabulary to do so. They are unable to understand the concept of time and therefore can’t distinguish between today, tomorrow, weeks, years, life or death. They are only capable of expressing themselves in the present.

Children at this age are beginning to use words to describe their feelings and are getting better at expressing them. However, they most likely will need assistance from an adult to help them put their feelings into words.

At this stage, children begin to take ownership of their feelings.  However, they are expressed from an outside perspective — e.g. ‘that makes me sad’, instead of ‘I am sad’.

Adolescents are now capable of separating between their own feelings and the feeling of others and expressing them appropriately. Capable is the operative word, because it doesn’t mean they do but they can when they understand how.

Although some are not in touch with their feelings, or have long suppressed them, young adults are now capable of distinguishing, expressing and explaining their own feelings. Professional counselling is sometimes necessary to help them identify and express feelings in a healthy way.

Due to lack of emotional maturity and diminished vocabulary, grieving children will often ‘act out’ how they feel. Therefore, behavioural changes can be common in a grieving child or adolescent. 

Growing Through support groups help young people to recognize and voice their feelings through the therapeutic board and card games that we have developed for that purpose.  It is when young people play these games with others their age, that they come to realize that their feelings are valid.  The games also help them learn to use words, rather than acting out.